When Your Partner Doesn’t Understand Motherhood

My partner doesn't understand me since I've been a mother: how to talk about mental health as a couple

Becoming a mother profoundly transforms a woman's emotional, physical, and mental life. The arrival of a baby is full of love, tenderness and new experiences... But it can also bring loneliness, exhaustion, irritability, and a sense of incomprehension, especially within the couple.

Many women express phrases such as: "I feel that he no longer listens to me", "it is as if we live in different worlds", "I also need to be taken care of". If these words resonate with you, you are not alone. Talking about mental health as a couple can be challenging, but it is a key step to heal, reconnect and feel accompanied.

Why does the couple dynamic change so much after childbirth?

Motherhood is an emotional and physical earthquake. Between extreme tiredness, hormones, the pressure to be "a good mother," possible physical pain, and identity changes, many women feel that they have stopped being seen as whole people to become only "the baby's mom."

On the other hand, many couples (especially if they haven't been through the same thing) fail to understand the level of emotional exhaustion involved in caring for a newborn 24/7. The problem is not always a lack of love, but a lack of emotional understanding and tools to communicate what is happening.

Emotional disconnection in the couple is common after the arrival of a baby.

Signs that you need to talk to your partner

There are clear signs that your mental health needs attention and that talking to your partner may be urgent and necessary:

• You feel like you can't take it anymore, but you don't know how to ask for help.
• You feel more irritable, sad, or disconnected than you were before.
• It bothers you that your partner doesn't "notice" what you need.
• You have thoughts of guilt or feel invisible.
• There is no longer space to talk about how you feel without arguing.

Talking about mental health is not a whim, it is an emotional need that can make the difference between living automatically or living with awareness and accompaniment.

How to start a sincere and empathetic conversation

We know it's not easy. Many times you have tried to talk, but the conversation ends in argument or awkward silence. Here are some tips to open the dialogue in a more empathetic way:

1. Choose a good time: Avoid starting sensitive conversations when someone is very tired or stressed. A walk or a quiet night may be better options.
2. Speak from you, not from reproach: Use phrases like "I feel lonely" or "I need support" instead of "you never help me" or "you don't care."
3. Also validate his experience: Even if you feel like you're carrying the most weight, acknowledging that your partner may also be adjusting opens up the space for connection.
4. Ask for what you need, clearly: Sometimes we expect the other person to "guess," but that only leads to frustration. Say, "I'd like you to ask me how I'm doing each day," or "I need 30 minutes to myself without interruptions."

"Mindful communication as a couple after a birth can strengthen the bond and prevent more serious mental health problems."

What if nothing changes?

There are times when, even with all your efforts, your partner doesn't respond or minimizes what you're feeling. This can hurt deeply. In these cases, seeking professional support is not a failure, it is a way to protect your well-being. Individual or couples therapy can help break new ground.

Also, surround yourself with other mothers, tribes, or support networks that validate you. You're not alone. Your mental health matters.